Ahh, bra shopping. The lace! The styles! The cup sizes! The…existential dread. When did an activity so simple and necessary become such a chore?
Here, every thought that goes through your mind while shopping for a bra. How do we know this, you might ask? Because until last year, we were right there with you, thinking those exact same things, too.
1. I GOT THIS
Wallet? Check. Plan? Check. 10-year-old bra that just snapped as you entered the store, further legitimizing your trip? Check.
You. Can. Do. This.
2. I SHOULD DO MORE CRUNCHES
Is it just us, or are all lingerie models a tiny bit unrealistic when it comes to representing the vast array of women’s body types? Yes, we know women who have six-pack abs (if only we had those genes/that work ethic!). But no, those women are not the majority (by any means). Without waxing too emotional, you deserve to feel good in your skin before you get half naked in a dressing room — not to be juxtaposed next to floor-to-ceiling images of unrealistic body goals.
3. WTF IS A BALCONETTE?
From demi cup to teddy to bralette, a girl needs a dictionary to shop for bras these days. (We’re bra experts and we can’t even keep up with the vocabulary!)
4. DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY WEAR THIS?
Admit it: It’s getting increasingly hard to distinguish a bra from a beautiful (but very complicated) experimental art piece. Which holes are your arms supposed to go through?! Where is the clasp? Is there even a clasp?
5. OMG I AM SO OVERWHELMED
At this point we are usually standing paralyzed by indecision in the middle of the store. Should you go full coverage? Push up? Are you a 36B? Or was it 34C? But suddenly you snap out of your stupor because…
6. IS THAT MY FIRST GRADE TEACHER?
Yes. Yes, it is. And is she buying that lacey balconette? Quick! Duck into the nearest fitting room.
7. PLEASE TELL ME I CAN BLAME THE LIGHTING
Oh, harsh fitting room light. How we
adore loathe thee. There’s nothing worse than staring at yourself in the mirror for an extended period of time under the world’s most unforgiving spotlight.
8. IS IT SUPPOSED TO FIT LIKE THIS?
And will it show through your shirt? Which clip should you be using? Should you be going up a cup size? SO MANY QUESTIONS, SO FEW ANSWERS.
9. I GUESS I CAN EAT CUP O’ NOODLES FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK…
With one look at the price tag on that balconette you just tried on, you’ll quickly realize that a typical bra costs a pretty penny. And, like you, we work hard for that money – and hope to spend it on something that we actually enjoy doing. (Hello, girl’s night out!) If we’re going to drop that much money on a bra, it better be laced with gold. But here’s our credit card, anyway…
10. I NEED A DRINK
Pat yourself on the back, friend. You survived (barely!). Go home, pour yourself a glass of wine, and relax. You deserve it. And next time, make sure to take the B.S. out of Bra Shopping by going to harperwilde.com.
Easy, reliable, and absolutely zero risk of running into your first grade teacher. We promise.