Most humans with boobs agree: there is something horrific about waking up one morning, peering into your underwear drawer to pull out your favorite bra, and realizing that they are all stretched, worn, or holier than Swiss cheese.
*Sigh* You could have sworn you just bought these a month ago! Okay, maybe it was a year ago… or was it two boyfriends ago? Whatever, time flies when your boobs are comfortable.
And just when you think finding a near-death bra (RIP old friend) on its last seam is the most dread-inducing situation, a thought even more ghastly comes to you: now you have to shop for a new replacement.
Enter the Little Bra Shop of Horrors: The unflattering florescent lighting! The gaggle of teenagers who bring their boyfriends into the lingerie section! The mess of straps, clasps, and bedazzlements! Oh, the agony.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone in your hatred for bra shopping. In fact, here are three women who made it out of there alive and bravely shared their stories (names have been changed to protect the innocent):
“Awful bra shopping experiences have never been isolated incidents for me. I developed in middle school and the only bras that were ever available in my size always resembled something of a grandmother’s underwear… and expensive ones at that! In addition to the high-priced, ugly bras for us big-breasted women, nobody ever knows how to actually size us correctly. I’ve been told I’m so many different sizes that I don’t even know what to believe. I didn’t choose the boob life – it chose me.”
DAINA, 26 – Seattle, WA
“I hate bra shopping so much that most of the time, I pull a Carrie Bradshaw and don’t even wear one at all. I have super small boobs, so the sales associates try to pair me with a triple-padded bra packed full of so many chicken cutlet inserts, you might as well throw me the grill and feed a family of 5.”
PRISCILLA, 25 – San Francisco, CA
“I recently went bra shopping for a simple, non-padded strapless bra. You’d think it’d be easy to find in a store…but then sales associates work their selling magic by convincing you that you NEED this ultra-padded, bells & whistles bra and before you know it, you’re at the cash register swiping your Amex – losing $80 and your dignity. Talk about an actual booby trap.
STEPHANIE, 33 – San Diego, CA